Day #1
Today was the day. I knew it already from looking up the scan I was going to endure last week. It was meant to determine whether I had it or not. Today Dr. H tried to say it without saying it but he finally came up with the words Parkinson's Disease. In my head FUCKING PARKINSON'S DISEASE. In our house, we say 'fluffin' and going forward that is what it is....FLUFFIN PARKINGSON'S DISEASE.
In my million thoughts....why not journal this....get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. I've told countless people this intervention to help calm the mind, why not try it for yourself. So, here I am writing. Journaling. Unsure if this is for me or for those around me to help understand. For right now, it is for me.
Sad, mad, utterly shocked, denial. 2024 really has been a disappointment. Solo parenting complex young adult problems, lost love and now this. All these and more are in my head. 54 yrs old and I have so much more to do....and I promise myself I will....just differently, mentally/physically/spiritually.
Speaking of spiritually, I'm not sure where I'm at here. Pretty mad at Him. I know He knows but damn. Still on the fence to lean in on it or walk away for a moment. To be continued...
Dr. H, my current neurologist whom I'm still not sure I care for said this is caused by genetics - no one in family I know of; caused by environment/exposure to toxins - LMFAO, I'm the one who doesn't use dryer sheets because they are one of the biggest neurotoxins out there and use natural when able; and he mentioned Covid now found as as cause but he inferred it was if there was hospitalization - I had a bad cold with it. Got me - the 'why' on this is going to annoy me. I never asked 'why' when Bill was killed as I'd never get an answer, but THIS....THIS is going to need an answer for me.
Today, my left hand has a tremor, weakened and decrease in left arm coordination. Some balance, memory, speech issues.
Goals met:
order this book 
~ Beth
